when you look around and notice there is nothing around
\nthat everyone gives you your damned treasured distance, finally
\nand you offhandedly one-handedly distractedly push away
\nanyone who dares to cross that line
\nso automatic, such a slow process you don’t even notice the shell anymore
\nwhen you’re given the admiration you so richly deserved
\nthrough fear
\nand you realize that yes, you’ve become cool
\nand you realize, that yes, it doesn’t really matter because it hasn’t brought you any sort of
\nconnections
\nand you realize that yes, you recognize this face, this act, this facade, this disaster
\nthe face of someone you so hated, once upon a time,
\nthe face of someone who broke you so badly that you never wanted to feel anything again
\nwhen you first started building this shell, this shell of cool and distance and sarcasm and quick wit
\nbecause you just wanted to survive
\nwanted to be just like them to push away the consequences of that first faltered leap of faith
\nwhen you open your mouth and find their words pouring out, unadulterated
\nso similar that even you are horrified<\/p>\n
don’t worry
\nyou’ve finally made it baby\n<\/p>\n